Can you Forgive without an Apology?

Over the month of September, the amazing team at Training in Power Meetups have shone an in-depth light on the topic of Forgiveness. This is no small feat, as there are many dimensions to what it means to truly forgive, beyond how we may have used the words “I forgive you” to keep the peace.

Be it self forgiveness, forgiveness of others or both – I’ve learned that they are deeply intertwined! It is so important to address these areas where we are holding onto old pain for the health of our body, mind and spirit.

I was moved this month by a post from Meetup lead Jean Bruce, who asked a question that has dogged me for many years, “Can you Forgive without an Apology?” As much as I’d like to say I’ve easily done so, once I started really looking at some of those challenging hurts and betrayals in my life, I realized the answer was more complicated than I liked. 

Below an excerpt from this post, some rich guidance on the path to forgiveness as a form of self love and healing, even without an apology:

Forgiveness is often imagined as a gift exchanged between two people—one seeks forgiveness, the other grants it. But what if the apology never comes? Is it still possible to forgive, to release hurt and resentment and move forward? The answer is a resounding yes. 

To forgive without an apology is the true power of letting go – a personal journey toward freedom, healing, and inner peace.

Apologies can be deeply validating. They offer recognition of harm, take responsibility, and sometimes mark the beginning of reconciliation. However, not everyone who causes pain is willing to apologize. Some may be unaware of the hurt they caused, and some may refuse to accept their wrongdoing.

Waiting for an apology that may never come can keep you trapped in a cycle of hurt and disappointment. It can tie your healing to the choices of another person. Learning to forgive without an apology is a way of reclaiming your own power. It shows that your emotional well-being is yours to protect and nurture.

Letting go is the heart of forgiveness. It is a courageous act of releasing what no longer serves you: the bitterness, the grudges, the desire for vindication. When you let go, you free yourself from the past. You release the hold that hurts and anger have over your present and future. Letting go is an act of kindness and empathy for yourself.

Forgiving without an apology is not always easy. It can feel uncomfortable. Here are some steps to guide you:

• Acknowledge Your Feelings

Begin by honouring your emotions. Allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, disappointment, or betrayal. Suppressing or denying your pain only prolongs your hurt.

• Separate the Person from the Hurt

Try to see the person who hurt you as a human being with flaws, influenced by their own experiences and limitations. This does not excuse their behaviour, but it can help you move from bitterness to empathy – or at least neutrality.

• Embrace the Choice to Forgive

Understand that forgiveness is your decision and yours alone. It does not depend on anyone else’s actions. You forgive to set yourself free, not to let the other person off the hook.

Consider what holding onto anger is costing you: peace of mind, happiness, and physical health. Reflect on how forgiveness can open space for joy, growth, and new possibilities.

• Release Expectations

Let go of the hope for an apology, justice, or acknowledgment. Accept that you may never receive what you feel you deserve—and that your healing does not depend on it.

• Practice Empathy for Yourself

Be gentle with yourself. Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. Allow yourself patience and understanding along the journey.

Remember you are not alone in travelling the journey of forgiveness and self healing. Connect with us on Training in Power meetups for free daily meditations, workshops and healings.